put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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