i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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