literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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