dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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