the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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