so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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