oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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