Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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