drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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