Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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