I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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