Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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