My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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