Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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