I wish life had little blips of pornography
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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