About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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