she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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