Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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