And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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