I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize