I smell stomach acid.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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