yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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