Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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