this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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