1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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