You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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