i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize