is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize