tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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