i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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