I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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