4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize