i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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