I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize