no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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