never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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