Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize