saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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