Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
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Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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