There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize