is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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