Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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