Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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