it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize