I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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