direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
