dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
