dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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