He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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