my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize