Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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